Category:
Hymns
Before I reveal just how horrible I am, let me note two things. One, I am married to a woman who agrees with you. Secondly, I do this because I know all too well the frustration of searching high and low in vain for employment that actually is creatively rewarding AND makealivingable on the vessel known as Craigslist. Rarely, do these requirements meet, and it’s in those heedy times when no one else is returning your calls in the “legitimate world” that one actually contemplates taking on a gig – something, anything – for free. You quickly sell yourself on a perceived gain – creative contacts, future employ, etc – and then immediately recoil once communication begins. Because let’s face it – someone, anyone, asking for the world without a displaying a modicum of empathy is, for lack of a better phrase, a flaming asshole.
Last week, I openly mocked a post that fit all the parameters of what makes one’s Craigslist job query blood boil. And then in the comfort of my own employment, I decided to fight back, because in these times, I want to be everywhere. Wherever you can look – wherever there’s a fight, so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there. Wherever there’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, I’ll be there. I’ll be in the way guys cry when frustrated. And when the kids laugh at their dads crying, I’ll be there, too.
And when I can’t be there, I’ll cast this year’s Academy Award winning duo of Jeff Bridges and Sandra Bullock to re-enact my email exchange with one Sade1. So without further ado, no grammatical tweaks and dedicated to you, d…THE WOOKIEE STRIKES BACK!
Craigslist. Nary has there been a platform that consistently pleads for more while offering next to nothing. Even the sorcerer’s apprentice got a magic broom.
I waged my first tour of duty on Chatroulette last night, and despite a sore click finger, have summoned the strength to report my findings:
- If you’ve been looking for a new site where you can watch guys jerking themselves off for free, welcome. But like their brethern in the actual industry, expect the trademarks of “free porn” – ugly and poorly lit. I’d say I was met by a cock one out of every fifteen clicks.
- Most women using the site travel in groups and seem to be overtaken with giddy laughter, because obviously there’s nothing funnier than clicking through a selection of male losers jerking themselves off.
- The award for Best Chatroulette View goes to the tight shot on a bearded gent whose head was partially submerged by dollar bills, lip-synching to Calloway.
- Worst – the dude who obviously rigged the infamous Goatse pic for a close-up. I’ve spent the better part of a decade ignoring said image, despite intense pressure from my Polish brethern. Damn, that image scars…deep.
If nothing else, the site proves the utter laziness of the world’s populace. In a voyeuristic setting designed for connectivity, most simply stare, devoid of emotion, click click clicking thru the faces on display. After ten minutes, I popped open the ITunes and put on some Magnetic Fields, and serenaded the world on repeat. The boys called me “fag”, the girls laughed. Most simply clicked through. It was like being in high school all over again.
My weapon of choice…
Hey Cesspool, I’ll readily admit your dope designs are something to behold, but let’s face it…the face off between “disruptive” and just plain “paralyzing” mark an historic day in AccuWeather adjective use.
On a side note…
The Wook mounts a comeback with his favorite Anonymous Asshole in tow. No one notices. More news at 11.
In my youth, I was never one to be considered a suburban stoner. I only knew them. And their balls. Which were huge.
The suburbs have no smell. Here, it’s merely fresh after a hailstorm, and stinky after I fart.
“The hard-rock version of “Shamrocks and Shenanigans”, not just the ordinary version.” Duh.
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RECENT SPEWS 
- BRAIN FARTS albino Alice Cooper arcade Ardmore Arthur Kade Burger King Chipotle Craigslist Das Empra Delco Eskimo farts Flaming Lips geeks Granite Run Mall hail Halloween high House of Pain Iron Maiden Italian Judd Apatow Lancaster Avenue Lovesick MacDade Blvd marijuana Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio McDonalds Mexican MTV Nirvana Penn State Phillies Raiders of the Lost Ark Rite Aid Royal Tavern SEPTA smell snow South Philly South Street Spike Jones suburbs Taco Bell Wynnewood
- FERTILIZER
- Wook on CHANNEL STOOPID, VOL. 2
- R.Haynes on CHANNEL STOOPID, VOL. 2
- Wook on F-STOP: THE EXPENDABLES
- anonymous_asswipe on F-STOP: THE EXPENDABLES
- anonymous_asswipe on THIS IS DELCO
- Pop Cesspool on F-STOP: THE EXPENDABLES
- Rubberneck on AXL ROSE, PERSONA / 1987-2010
- Purple Thunder on AXL ROSE, PERSONA / 1987-2010
- JMD on TROLLING CRAIGSLIST
- d on TROLLING CRAIGSLIST II: THE WOOKIEE STRIKES BACK
- Relations
- Neighbors
- Worthies
- THE LIBRARY
- FEED ME
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